Life of being Kaylen's Mummy!

I know I have been away from writing for FAR too long, but I really do have my reasons! So I am so so sorry to those who has been waiting for me to post something.

So what has happened the past few months right after Kaylen's birth?

Everyday has been pretty mundane since I was travelling to and fro from the hospital, handing milk to the nurses, spending precious time with Kaylen at the hospital talking to him, holding him, playing nursery rhymes to him and singing to him. Basically I was doing whatever I can, and spending as much time as I can with him, just to make sure that he knows I am his mother. The NICU journey is definitely not an easy one, especially the first few weeks when his condition fluctuates. My mood depends on how his condition is everyday, and my heart always skipped a beat when the doctors call from SGH. (They usually call when something major happens.)

So there was this one time when the doctor called to tell me that Kaylen's breathing got worse and then they had to shift him back to NICU from the HD ward. On our way to the hospital, I was already in tears and praying that he will be safe and sound, and that nothing will happen to him. I broke down when I saw him at the hospital that day, and was sobbing away until the nurses had to come over and console me. Seeing the doctors/nurses put needles in him was like having a knife repeatedly stabbed in my heart. It pains me so much to see my little one suffering at such a young age.

This was what I posted back then.

And then for the next 56 days from the day he was born, I visited the hospital everyday, and stayed for at least 4 hours per day, and sometimes I even go up to 8 or 9 hours. This is why I couldn't find the time to blog. Even though baby was in the hospital, I was waking up in the middle of the night, every 2-3 hours pumping, making sure that my supply will sustain till he comes home.

The worse part about the initial breastfeeding was not the pumping every three hours, it was the breast infection I suffered from, and I suffered TWICE. Running a high temperature of 41 degrees for three straight days, and I still had to wake up every three hour to pump in order to resolve the issue. I couldn't clear the engorgement, which then lead to this infection - Mastitis. The first time I suffered from it, my right breast supply went down to as pathetic as 20ml. My left wasn't affected so it was still functioning properly. I went down to a normal GP, got some medicine and antibiotics that was safe for breastfeeding. BUT SUAY ENOUGH, the doctor told me that the only antibiotics that they have that is safe for breastfeeding, contains Amoxicillin, which I was allergic to. I had no choice, but to try taking the medicine, and ended up suffering from weird ulcers in my mouth and rashes around my lips which caused it to crack and bleed.

After I recovered from the first time and it attacked again the second time, it was so bad I had to visit a gynae and be on drip because the infection was too bad. :( I remember waking up in the middle of the night having super painful and bruised breasts, and pumping when all I wanted to do was to sleep and feel better from the fever. Conclusion? BREASTFEEDING ISN'T EASY AT ALL. I am an exclusive pumping mother, though I try to latch Kaylen at least once a day. He doesn't like to latch now because he was too used to the bottle feeding and tube feeding in the hospital. So basically latching him was like fighting a war with him, he screams hysterically whenever I put my tits near his mouth lol.

After 2 weeks in NICU, Kaylen's condition finally became more stable, and here comes my first opportunity to carry him!!!

He was so fragile, so tiny.

No words will be able to describe the immense joy I felt when I first held him in my arms. Yes I do not enjoy the privilege of having to hold my baby as soon as I gave birth because he was placed into the incubator as soon as he was born. During the 2 weeks I could only place my hands into the incubator to touch him and feel his skin.

This was all we can do before we finally got to carry him.

And then here come all the firsts, first family photo:

First time changing his diapers:

And my first time doing Kangaroo Care with him when he was much much better!

And then feeding him...

All these little firsts may be very familiar to all mothers since they were able to do it since day 1, but to many preemies' mothers, all these opportunities are very precious to us. Because during the entire NICU journey, the only thing that made us felt like we were a mother, was pumping milk for our little one, since we can't take care of them like how other mummies do.

And as day passes, Kaylen started putting on weight, doctors remove his IV plugs, I was finally able to bathe him in the hospital. It was definitely scary the first time, bathing for such a tiny baby, but all these practices made me a confident mother in taking care of a preemie. When I first bathed him, I remembered he was only about 2kg! Snapping his photos became my favourite past time too, until my phone was flooded with only his pictures and videos. (Same goes to my husband, parents' and sister's phone!!)

Kaylen started to open his eyes more, smile more, as me and Joey try to capture all these little moments on camera.

Everyday time passes like that with me going hospital, pumping and pumping and pumping, waiting for hubby to fetch me home from hospital, waiting for the day that he can be discharged, and FINALLY ONE DAY, I decided to speak up. I told the nurses that he is in the hospital for way too long, and that I really really hope to take him home with me. After that night, there was a tremendous improve in his feeding, and was able to finish all his feeds within 48 hours! So just two days after I spoke to the doctor, they decided to DISCHARGEEEEEE HIM!!! I was so so so so happy that I can finally have him home even though it also means that I get lesser rest and sleep.

Kaylen was discharged at 2.99kg, and has stayed in the hospital for about 1 and a half months! I had alot of mixed feelings about him coming home, happy that I can finally have my son by my side, but worried that I'm not ready to take care of him, afraid that I wouldn't be able to soothe him when he cries. So initially at home, everyone was fighting to take care of him at night, but now lolol!! Most of the time I will take care for as long as I can at night, until I get too drowsy, then I will pass him to my maid. (Who is super awesome and handles Kaylen very well! Always my lifesaver when I desperately needed sleep.)

Now he is officially 3 months and 6 days old, weighing at 4.5kg! Which is a whooping 3kg gain from his initial birth weight.

He behaves really differently from how he was like when he was still in the hospital. In the hospital, every single time after milk, the nurses just needed to swaddle him, leave him in his bassinet and he will fall asleep on his own. BUT, as soon as he comes home, his pattern all come out already. Must be carried to sleep, must pat to sleep and must sometimes play music while patting him to sleep! As soon as he realise that he is placed back in his cot, he will immediately wake up and cry. -_-

For about half a month after he came back, what I did everyday was taking care of him, taking him out and meeting my mummy friends whenever we have the time to. We were like leading taitai lives lah, but not really taitais after all cause we take care of the baby 24/7, which is the toughest job ever okay!! Every single time I bring him out, I don't eat in peace, or sometimes I don't even get to eat at all because you lose all your appetite when he starts crying. So me and my friends help each other lor, sometimes babysit when we needed to eat hahaha.

This 'taitai' life was made possible because I receive monthly allowance from my hubby, which he slowly realise that it is probably not enough for me. After a long dispute and discussion, I decided to get back to work. And now comes the next problem:

MY BREASTFEEDING HOW?

I mentioned earlier that I needed to pump every 3 hours initially, but now that my supply has more or less regulated, I don't get engorged as often as before, so I could stretch up to 5 hours without pumping or sometimes 7 hours. People who are not breastfeeding would sometimes ask me why I needed to pump and why I couldn't just leave my boobs there. Let me tell you why! Firstly, breastfeeding mothers' breast are constantly producing milk, and imagine having accumulated 300 ml of milk in your breast, how heavy and how uncomfortable would it feel? If we don't pump out, where does this milk goes? And don't forget that the breast is still constantly producing milk, and there is just so much that your breast can hold.

Engorged breasts are not pleasant to feel and not pleasant to look at. Do you know how breastfeeding has made my breasts look? Yes it went from a cup A to cup D, but my left breast now has MANY purple veins that looks like spider webs, looks bruised, and I'm suffering from stretch marks because of the sudden increase in size. :( So nope, I would definitely prefer smaller breasts. That is not the worst part, the worst part is how my left breast is now sagging because I couldn't wear bra for the entire 3 months! So nope, the breasts are not as lovely as yall thought!

Now that I have gotten back to work, I will always have to notify the clients or my boss that I needs to pump at least once every six hours, so I pump once before work, and once during my break at work. There was once I didn't have enough time to clear all the milk during the fifteen minutes break, and I suffered from engorgement fever. :(

I spend at least 4-5 days a week now at work, which is why I try to spend more time with Kaylen when I can at home, and I seldom have the time to do anything else. School is starting in January and I will be even busier than usual, so I'm still thinking how I can cope and juggle with studies, baby and work at the same time. But I really don't wanna give up on working too because I know that no matter what, a woman has to have her own money, and cannot depend 100% on man. I myself believe that a woman has no say at home if I don't provide enough for myself. I don't want to be seen as a lazy stay home mum, so I rather get lesser rest, and juggle between work and baby now.

But sigh, nobody really understands the amount of sacrifice I have to make when I leave baby at home, and no one will really comprehend the feelings that I get unless they are a mother as well. Who would bear to leave their son at home when they are just three months old? When we know that they still need their mother to be around because they are only so young, and the bond is build before they turn 6 months old. Every single time I leave home for work, I always kiss Kaylen and tell him that I will see him again after work, and makes sure I always tell him that he must never forget that I'm his mummy.

Yes, I do understand that my in laws always tell me that they will help me with the baby, and ask me to go and work and study in peace. The thing is, Kaylen is my responsibility and I don't want to throw him to someone else when I know I can actually afford staying home for a few months more just to spend time with him. But like I said, no one will understand how a mother feels, and how I want to maintain this bond with the baby, so I have no choice but to continue my studies in January, and try to work as much as I can now.

Oh well, I have already started on working and enrolled myself for studies to commence in January, so it is pointless to talk about all that, but to try and spend as much time as I can with Kaylen while completing my degree and doing part-time.

Apart from all these upsetting, we finally celebrated Kaylen's first month in November! Which was a belated full month celebration since he was in the hospital when he was one month old.

My second family!

He is getting cuter and more adorable by day, and gaining more fats on his cheeks and thighs hehe.
FOR NOW, all these are the updates about my life that I can think of, I will probably blog about my weight loss when I have the time?



BUT FIRST OF ALL, SCREW THE PERSON WHO THINK I STARVED MYSELF SO THAT I COULD LOSE THE WEIGHT.

I DID NOT.

OH ANYWAY.

I did tell you not to bother texting me because you know why? I didn't read a single thing you sent lol. I have more important people that I care about, and I really don't bother about some stupid politics anymore. -So, stop trying.-


BYE.

GIVING BIRTH!

GIVING BIRTH.

I am pretty sure that all of you that follows my instagram/facebook would have known that I have given birth about two weeks ago. First of all, so so so sorry for the lack of updates because I'm still trying to adjust my body to pumping milk every two-three hours and it is so tiring especially in the middle of the night. My body just can't get enough rest that I need!

All these aside:

Kaylen Ng JH is born on the 25th of August 2014, at 1447 hours, 1.5kg.

His Chinese name is decided by the parents, and of course, approved by me and Joey as well. I didn't actually think about the pronunciation of his chinese name in English, and readily agreed cause it sounds so nice in Chinese!

His name is: 黄敬衡 (Huang Jing Heng).

Kaylen is not in his birth cert because the in-laws have checked with the geomancer and realised that this english name of his is against his 八字, so we will only call him Kaylen verbally. Therefore, what is in his birth cert is : Ng Jing Heng.

And if you actually pronounce it in English, Jing Heng sounds like 'very lucky' in dialect. LOL! Now everyone is making fun of his name and calling him 'heng heng' etc. HAHA. I mean it is indeed a very lucky name, since he is born on the first day of the lunar eighth month, and his 八字 is very very auspicious! Geomancer told us that he will be a very handsome man in future, smart, a prodigy, very lucky with money etc. Basically everything is on the good side. But I'm sorry son, you got to stick with this name for the rest of your life HAHA, please don't hate us if you get mocked at in future, because it was your grandmother that chose the name for you HAHA. Look on the bright side! It still sounds very nice in Chinese! HAHAHAHA.


And so.... what really happened?


Hubby came back from Taiwan on the 21st of August and had planned a staycation to surprise me since he was away for so long. The duration of the stay was from 22nd to the 24th. On the 22nd, I was getting braxton hicks contractions, but it was just tightening of the uterus and didn't cause any discomfort so I didnt think too much into it, furthermore, it isn't even regular. But on the 23rd morning, contractions did start to become regular, like probably about 15-20 minutes apart, and it was causing me some discomfort. When I told my gynae, they observed me for about an hour, told me that the contractions isn't really something yet, so they gave me meds and my vitamins, and I went back. Oh, I was having bloody discharge, and the doct found out that there was some bleeding near the opening of the womb, but it wasn't something serious so yeap.

Throughout the day, it just kept getting stronger, and I had to focus a little on my breathing everytime the contractions come. But then again the doct say if the contractions were somewhat similar to the contractions when they were observing me, there was no need to go back. So I tahan all the way, I didn't go to them. I even sat through the movie 'Lucy' while having contractions LOL? It was already painful but I could still tolerate as long as I focused on my breathing. Before the movie still happily went for dinner with in laws and hubby, and went to Raffles hotel to buy mooncake somemore HAHA.

After the movie, when we returned back to the hotel, everything stayed the same, mild painful contractions with pooping feeling, so I thought I was having constipation. Cause I tried so many times to poop since morning and I just couldn't do it. UNTIL, after hubby slept and I was in the toilet, I saw this thick blood discharge which I suspected was the mucus plug. I panicked and told the half-asleep hubby, and we decided to just observe first. I stayed awake with the contractions getting more and more frequent, before I started crying and wailing from the pain at about 2am? That was when hubby decided to rush me to Thomson Medical Centre (TMC).

I was admitted into the delivery ward, and they contacted my gynae to diagnose my condition. They were monitoring my contractions and baby's heartbeat with CTG, and the nurses told me that yes I was having contractions. So before my gynae came, they gave me a jab, pills and put me on a drip to reduce contractions. To my horror after Dr Yeo's Diagnose, I was already 2cm dilated, and the water bag can be seen bulging.

Please excuse my bad illustration:

The black arrow shows the bulging water bag and the brown arrow is the cervix.

So yeah, Dr Yeo's instructions is for me to stay bed-ridden, I can't get up to pee so I had to use the pee pan every single time I pee, my legs were elevated so I was laying in a slanted position which was very awful to my back. (Anti-gravity so baby wont push his way out) I had to try and sleep in that position, with straps around my belly to monitor the contractions, and the blood pressure thing on my right arm. (I thought that was damn uncomfortable until later on lol)

Last photo of my baby bump at 30 weeks!

This was taken at studio M after the visit to the gynae in the morning!

Hubby went off at about Sunday 6am to check out of the room and came back later at about 8am to check on me, before I ask him to go home and rest. There isn't a comfortable place for him to sleep so I'd rather he went home instead.

He came back to find me later at night, and because I was told to not even elevate the bed in a position so that I can eat, he had to feed me my dinner. I was in that position since 3am!! My back was hurting so bad I wanted to cry.

I could tell that he was feeling very very tired, so I chased him home at about 10pm while I attempted to sleep. I only managed to sleep like 3 hours for these two nights? The position was really TOO uncomfortable for me to sleep, and with the painful contractions that comes and goes here and there, I really can't sleep :/

Dr Yeo also recommended us to transfer to govt hospital just incase I have to give birth, and the bills wouldn't be so taxing on us cause baby will definitely have to stay in hosp for about 1-2 months. Dr Yeo is the nicest doctor ever, even explained to me that it is not that he doesn't want to help me with my birth, but he thought of our pockets for us. At 5am on Monday, when he did a second vaginal check, I remember him saying 'This is not good.', and proceed on to tell me that I am already 3cm dilated and may have to give birth within the next few days. Told me to call hubby, and helped me contact NUH and KK, which didn't accept my case so I eventually went to SGH.

That hubby left his phone outside in the living room when he went to sleep so I had a hard time trying to wake him up!! It took him so long to pick up the call and I was feeling sooooo scared. (The pain was getting more intense.) I don't know how to explain the contractions, but it definitely didn't feel anything near to menstruation cramps. It just kinda feel like someone was pulling your womb on the inside and held there for as long as the contractions last.

When Joey finally reached, Dr Yeo told us that SGH is willing to accept us, and I need to be transferred asap. My Gynae was so nice that he actually sat in the ambulance with me to SGH, just incase I suddenly need to deliver. The nurses from TMC told me that this is the first time that they have seen a doctor accompany the patient to another hospital, and he even went into the delivery ward with me, ensured that everything is okay, and told the nurse to take good care of me because I am a very special patient. I was soooo grateful to him. If not for the circumstance, I would definitely have gave birth under him in TMC.

- It will be quite lengthy for this part so hang in there! -


I finally arrive and settled down at SGH's delivery ward at about 8am, and the room was awesome!

The room looks something like that, but alot more spacious! There was also a comfortable couch for the husband. I thought I will be there for another one night or two! HAHA.

So the doctors came to assess my situation, and they all work in a team so there were like 5-6 doctors attending to me. Baby's head was engaged so I could go for normal delivery, and baby's estimated weight was about 1.69kg. I HATE HATE HATE HATE it when they stick their fingers into my vagina to feel and see how dilated I am!! Super painful and uncomfortable :(

They were telling me that I might give birth within the next 48 hours, and if lucky, it may be dragged on for a week. They wanna drag for as long as they can because baby is still premature and so will be better for him if he stays as long as possible inside my womb. So they changed the drip to the Magnesium Sulphate drip which hurts LIKA BITCH cause it is super concentrated in the first 15 minutes. My wrist felt like it was gonna explode and my entire arm felt SUPER SORE!! I was close to tears from the discomfort because it made me feel like my body was on fire too. But I had to hang on because this helps to accelerate the speed of baby's brain development and prevents cerebral palsy in future.

The next thing they did? They had to monitor my urine so they inserted this tube with this small ball at the end into my urethra so I will 'automatically' pee into the container. BUT WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS SO PAINFUL DURING THE INSERTION!! the tube made me feel like urinating the whole time and it was super uncomfortable T_T. I also had the straps on my tummy to monitor the contractions, so HOW TO SLEEP U TELL ME HOW!? After an hour or two I was crying from the discomfort already, together with the contractions pain and all. In pain and discomfort, I beg hubby to ask the doct to do a c-section cause I don't wanna go through this pain and discomfort any longer and kept crying and crying lol! It was only awhile later that I feel slightly better and decided to eat cause I was freaking hungry!! The last time I ate was the night before at about 8pm, so I didn't have breakfast T_T

After eating, everything was okay for AWHILE. Contractions stopped, the discomfort from the drip was getting better. BUT WITHIN THE NEXT HOUR, my contractions suddenly got so painful that I was groaning and wailing in pain. I didn't know what to do so I just kept crying and asking hubby to let the doctors operate on me. When I started the yelling and screaming, hubby finally got the nurses and doctor to come. At about 12pm, when they checked, I was fully dilated. WTF WHICH MEANS I DON'T HAVE THE CHOICE TO DO EPIDURAL ANYMORE. I did try to ask for csect (AGAIN) and asked for epidural, but the nurse say "NO, you can do natural delivery and there is no need for epidural already, you are in active labour now." T_T

The only thing I remembered for the next few hours was more and more nurses and doctors/interns coming into the ward while I was yelling and screaming in pain and crying so badly that I couldn't sniff in the laughing gas, and had to use my mouth. Nurse scold me and ask me not to cry or scream anymore, don't waste any more energy :( So I just use the laughing gas whenever the contractions come, and they told me to just push if I felt the need to..

This hubby told one of the nurses to take photo for us and I was like "Seriously? NOW?" Cause I am already in active labour and in pain still ask me to take photo -_-

-Nobody look chio while in labour one okay hahaha-

The pain from the contractions were so awful that I started grabbing hubby's shirt, pinch his tummy, grab his arms. But when he was texting and I couldn't transfer my pain to him, I slap his hand away when he tried to hold me and hold the bed instead LOL. I drank coke while in labour too HAHAHAHA, cause I was feeling very thirsty. When all the necessary doctors came, the caucasian doctor opened my vagina and stick this very long thin metal thingy into it and burst the water bag. I didn't see all this so it was hubby that explained it to me. I was on laughing gas all the way because the pain was unbearable but I could feel the gush of water coming out. After that, contractions became even stronger and more frequent. They had me holding on to my knees and pushing at every contraction. Basically I just followed what the doctors told me to do.

(I didn't go for any antenatal classes so I just anyhow breathe HAHA) Everytime I try to screamfrom the pain, the nurse will shut me up and just ask me to push, saying that I will waste even more energy on screaming. I was too tired to even hold my knees, and really really wanted to stop trying to push. In the end hubby and another nurse held my knees for me lol!! I had to sit up and push in the direction of my vagina and all I could feel is burning pain on my vagina and the contractions. I could also feel baby's head just around the opening. I didn't even know they did episiotomy (Cutting of the vagina) until the doctor told me at the end. They did inject a local anesthetic jab before doing the cut but I guess the burning sensation from the birth covered everything lol! The incision was made by a surgical scissors. I remember giving my hardest and longest push and FINALLY KAYLEN IS OUT. The head was the difficult part. I felt the rest of his body slide out shortly after his head!

Baby was taken away as soon as he was born so I could only hear him crying and see him from far.. I was still super high on laughing gas HAHA. They pressed on my tummy to stimulate another contraction for the placenta to come out. After the placenta was out, doctor told me that she will be giving me another jab of local anesthetic so she can stitch me up, and asked me to continue using the laughing gas if I want to. The jab didn't really work cause I could still the pain from the process but I was too tired to think about anything else. The room emptied out pretty quickly and I was left in the room after that. I took a nap hahahaha! Woke up at 4 plus where they changed me into the 'maternity' attire before wheeling me up to my ward.

The very helpful nurse who was there to take care of me since 8am! (I haven't showered since Saturday night!!)

Even after I was awake I haven't seen the baby yet lor!! Joey went up to see him after I delivered but I was still resting so didn't go. When I was wheeled out of the delivery room, my father and sis and in-laws were waiting outside and they congratulated me! It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to react, but I was really glad that I got over the process. Hahaha. I remember the thing I told Joey right after the birth was " I am never going to go through this ever again." HAHA.

The recovery part was okay, I can still sit down, just felt a little sore that's all. The first trip to the toilet was messy lol! I was dripping blood as I walked to the toilet. I lost alot of blood during the birthing process so my blood pressure was very low. Nurses had to help me use the toilet because I was feeling sooo giddy. But at night when my mom and dad and brother came, I was feeling so much better so I went down to the coffeeshop to have a cup of milo! By the night time I was able to walk around already :) I started hand expressing milk for Kaylen, even though he wasn't able to feed yet.

That was when the whole breast feeding journey started. (I will blog about breast feeding and confinement tomorrow cause I am already feeling SUPER SLEEEEEPY and I need to sleep badly!)

First photos of Kaylen after birth, taken by daddy: 

Even though I went through tremendous pain and discomfort for him, after seeing him, I forgot all about the pain. The only thing I can remember is how much I love him, how much he means to me and hubby, and that he is the best thing that has happened to us and the best gift from god.

Mummy and daddy loves you!!

Title of this post? DEAL WITH IT.

Okay, I'm just gonna waste 30 mins of my life for this horrible person, and that's it. All along, I don't really like to give a single fuck about anyone that has a problem with me, because you don't matter, and what you say or feel does not matter to me at all. But everyone has a limit, and this is probably the last time I am going to openly talk about this.

First of all - STOP TRYING TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON. When you're not. If you are? Fine, go ahead and blog about how you don't give a flying fuck about politics. 

"Nobody ain't got time for negative people who harbor resentment."

Biggest joke of the day. And just so you know, nobody went around and circulate anything, and if you hadn't done anything, why worry that people will circulate about your stuffs? Why? Afraid that people will talk shit about you behind your back? If you say that you don't care, then don't even bother ASKING people what is wrong with you. You are the one that is negative, and you are the one that is harboring resentment. If you are not, why confront anyone?

If I am the only one who has issues with you, fine. Maybe I'm the one with the problem or we just have a misunderstanding. The thing is, most of the people around me that I know, who KNOWS you, have a problem with you and your shitty attitude. We don't need to spread anything or tell anyone anything regarding you for them to develop negative feelings towards you. It is how you show zero sign of sincerity to people whom you think are not on par with you, or way below you in terms of achievement. (The fact that you only treat people with respect when you know they are important in terms of your 'career' gross me out.) - oh in other words, boot-licking.

AND SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, I ain't got time to insult you on your ask.fm just in-case you think it was done by me. Like I said: I'm not the only one who has issues with you, so point your arrow elsewhere. But I don't deny, I can't help but feel a sort of delirium creep over me when they mock at you! 

所谓，无风不起浪。

There must be a reason why people start talking about you and what you have done in your 'career'. 

Yes, no doubt you are a gorgeous young lady, indeed successful at your age, but? BE HUMBLE MY DEAR. What kind of nonsense is this, just because you look more 'pan-asian' you request for higher wages? You think that it isn't fair to you that other asian girls like us are paid the same wage as you? Hello, we are working for the same job, looking more like a pan-asian doesn't automatically elevate your status. What nonsense. 

To think that you are so desperate to the extent that you want to give a bogus height. If you are really at the height that you think you are, I think I might be able to ask them to present me as 180cm. Where are your integrity?

Having all that said, I did try and warm up to you, but your actions are way too two-faced for me to be comfortable with you. I sometimes even wonder if you have a split personality because you act and behave differently under different circumstances. I don't get how you can pretend to talk to someone when you unfollow or block that someone on instagram. OH RIGHT SORRY, our posts on instagram or not inspiring and interesting enough, which is why you unfollowed the entire group of us? - Not that it matters to me whether you are following me or not. I think it is quite lame and immature. Follow and unfollow, VERY FUN MEH? You don't see me blocking and unblocking you, or follow already unfollow, then follow again. FOR FUCK? 

 I mean, if you don't like me, don't talk to me. Simple as that! I don't even need you to pretend that you like me or is genuinely happy for me. JUST DON'T BE PRETENTIOUS. It irritates the fuck out of me. Lol.

Oh and just in-case you think that I'm jealous of you which is why I wrote this post, I'm sorry to disappoint you, I'm the one that really doesn't give a flying fuck to how you are doing. I don't stalk you, I don't go around circulating shit about you. That is the reason why I blocked you. I don't tell people things, but people come and tell me things, that is how I came to know everything. -wink. 

AND IF YOU ARE WONDERING I CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME, you are wrong again. Because you don't matter in my life, so what you say doesn't affect me. (It only affects me when I realize how pretentious you are when I know you obviously feels negative towards me.) And to answer your question? I am proud of my pregnancy. PROBLEM?

In terms of achievement, I'm not sour over how much you have 'grown' in the industry and how popular you became. Because why? I know I am where I want to be, and I'm blessed with a great husband and awaiting arrival of my beautiful boy, there is no need for me to be jealous over anything? 

Since you think that there is nothing wrong with your attitude/ character, why bother about what people say about you, why care? What you say and wrote on your blog and how you deal with all these is an irony.

Just get over the fact that there are people around who doesn't like you, and YES, DEAL WITH IT. 

MOVE ON. Stop being so lame and immature. Period.

(Ps/: Please don't waste your time to come and text me or confront me or whatsoever, because I won't bother talking to you. Waste of my energy and effort! Don''t bother confronting anyone else too, cause no one will wanna reply. This will also be the first and last time I actually talk about you on this platform of mine. Don't wanna pollute this space further. )

My Beloved Wabbit- Milo!

First of all, sorry to those Animal lovers who advocates about adoption, because my rabbit Milo, was not adopted. Although I super love animals, I never really stood up for adoption before, and for that, I'm sorry :( BUT! If I'm gonna get a companion for my dear furball at home, I am definitely going to adopt instead, and hopefully find one that will be able to bond well with my territorial rabbit.

I do have intentions of spaying her!

This post is actually directed for friends who have been asking me about her, and for people who never exactly had rabbits before! (Just sharing what I know and my knowledge for rabbits that I've learned from taking care of Milo.)

This was taken during the car ride on her way home in a cardboard container with some hay and pet litter :D I was so happy to bring her back! I chose her out of all the other rabbits because she is the only one that is calm and didn't attempt to jump away when me and Joey carried her! Even allowed the pet shop staff to cut her nails while she sat down quietly. BUT! Her butt was quite dirty, and there was dried poops stucked on her fur. Was told that we need to wash it off ourselves.

Milo is from Vivo City's Pet Safari, and according to her certificate, she is a show breed! Friends or people who have never seen holland lop rabbits before asked me if there was something wrong with her ears, why cannot stand HAHAHAHA. But ya, lop rabbits' ears go down!

She costs: $990//=

YES I KNOW SHE COSTS A BOMB, and when my mom knew about her price, she went like WHAT?! You can get a dog at that price! Hahaha, but if you let me choose again, I will still get a rabbit because she is such a darling!!

She was only 2 months + old near 3 months when we brought her back, and her birthday is on the 26th of January 2014!

Joey wanted another lop of another colour cause he said that her spots were not equal, like scattered everywhere. BUT CUTE AND UNIQUE WHAT! Under her cert, her colour was described as: Broken Chestnut.

Eating hay in her new cage! Her cage costs us about 120++ in total, but we have already removed the sides since she roams about and is potty-trained.

So why did I name her Milo?

I thought of a few alternatives: Chestnut (Because of her colour)/ Oreo etc.
But I wanted something easier to call, so I decided on Milo. Furthermore the brown colour patch near her mouth looks like she dipped her face in the Milo drink and stained it what no? LOL.

My father disturbed her and called her horlicks the first few times *Stares*

My sister loves rabbits and was very happy to see her! Every night when she comes home from work sure shout for Milo and ask where is she. Hahah. We had a rabbit named Kiki when I was younger but she passed away when I was 12/13 year old. We had her for about 6 to 7 years!

Milo with Mandy and Jermayne!

Like many other rabbits, she was okay with being carried and hugged/ flipped over at first. BUT!!! After 2 weeks, she start to struggle and started running from us lolol. So yeah, I was very sad :(

Please keep in mind that rabbits are not dogs, and they do not show affection or asks for attention like dogs do, so if you want a very manja animal, don't get a rabbit! Rabbits are very much like cats, they do what they want, and they don't really come to you much unless they wants food. I get pissed off when my father calls her a stupid rabbit when she doesn't respond/ go to him when he calls her lol! (Extremely protective mother hahahaha).

At the beginning, we only train her to recognize the shaking of her snacks box so she will come to us when we do it. And every single time we do that, we make sure we feed her something to reward her!

That proud face -_-

Milo's daddy clearing her cage for her because I'm pregnant and my mom doesn't want me to carry the huge tray in and out of the house. Oh we changed her plastic food bowl to a glass one cause she tend to overturn it and spill her food everywhere inside her cage!

She usually jumps off my body after a few seconds since she doesn't like to be held. Lol!

SHE LOOKS LIKE A SQUIRREL HAHAHA.

Oh yes! We managed to potty-train her just two weeks after she joined the family, and I was so surprised that it is actually so easy!! I didn't thought that I could let her roam about the house since my mom is super afraid of animals, so I bought her a litter tray for her to poop inside her cage. Every single time she pees outside the tray I will scold her and smack her backside, pour the pee-soaked litter into the litter tray. It doesn't really work that well, but it's okay!

After we let her roam about the house and cordoned a few areas, and keeping her back into her cage at night, we realised that every single time she wants to pee, she goes back into her cage and do it! Occasionally peeing outside lah but it only occured like 4 times? In the span of 4 months? Which is really really good considering that she is only a rabbit!

And my mom? She's getting used to her roaming around the house, so we slowly remove the boxes that we use to cordon her area, and only closes our room doors cause she will hide underneath the beds. Other than that, she's free to roam about, like a little puppy!

This is Shevonne holding her, and Sebas once commented saying that she looks like a (o  o)!

She is growing so fast in just 4 months!! And she's turning 7 months on the 26th hehe. Can't wait to see Kaylen playing with her when he grows up!

BUT AH! Recently she is more attached to us! And me especially since I'm home playing with her most of the time hahaha. So when I sit down on the ground, she will hop towards me and sometimes nudge me on my hands so that I will pet her! Super manja and cute! Can you stay this manja forever please my baby Milo??

Oh and she used to lie or hide at places that are dark, but she don't really do that anymore! She just leans against the door, and below my chair.

And she will also squeeze in between your feet, find a comfortable position, and sit down. hahaha.

How to not love her like that you tell me?!

SUPERMODEL RABBIT

Really sleep like one ( o  o )

We will disturb her once in awhile like that hahaha.

Absolutely chill state hahaha.

And she likes to follow people around especially at night or in the early morning! Last time when Joey was still staying at my place and when I wake him up for work, she will walk and follow him as he prepares for work. Hahahaha.

See! She just likes to do this. Hahaha, and even my mom now allows her to do this at her feet. (Last time still always kpkb about Milo, now will still talk to her and feed her snacks or vegetables once in awhile lolol!) Then when I spot her doing that she will find some excuse and say 没有啦！她一直跟我跑来跑去，很烦啦！

Squashed in between my thighs.

When I'm busy using my phone and never play with her she will just sit down like that hahahaa.

When I sit down and eat my lunch she also wanna come and manja, ask for some attention. She sat there until I finish my porridge lol!

-OH ALMOST SLIPPED MY MIND-

If you want to potty train your rabbit, just fill the litter tray with hay, cause when they eat, they poop at the same time lol! It will save you quite alot of trouble vacuuming the little chocolate chips off the ground. Her poop looks like chocolate chip hahaha. And if she pees outside other than a litter tray, can scold her and keep telling her no! I will flick lightly on her forehead to remind her not to do it.

Rabbits are not as receptive and responsive as dogs, but that doesn't mean that they don't understand what you are saying! Milo knows when she makes a mistake. There was once she peed outside and I saw, when I walked towards her, SHE SPRINTED AWAY! And then when I tried and talk to her by approaching her, she keep running away from me. I will carry her to her pee, knock her head and scold her. Sometimes I will lock her in the cage as a form of punishment. So she knows that if she pees outside, it means she won't get to come out of the cage.

Can read more from bunnymama! She will give tips and advices on how to bond rabbits, what to feed and what not to feed them, as well as how to potty train them!

Since Milo has been behaving pretty well at home, on National Day, I decided to bring her out to my sister's friend's house for a small gathering.

Her doing her first supermodel photoshoot. Hahahahaha.

I was very surprised that she didn't anyhow pee!! The temporary litter box is the cover of the box that I put her in and I placed newspapers on top of it before moving the cat litter and hay from the box to the tray. She just roamed around that area cause I kept saying no when she attempted to go on the carpet. Very well-behaved little furball I have here hehehe.

MUMMY SO PROUD OF YOU!!

Photo of her taken by the photographer- William!

Our group photo that day!

Not forgetting baby Milo hehehe. And my 28 weeks baby bump!

These few days I haven't been going out much cause my body feels SO HEAVY, I just can't lug myself out of the house UNLESS transport is provided lol! So that day when i went to Alaina (My sister's friend)'s house, I took a cab there and we shared a cab back. Otherwise, I won't even step out of my comfort zone hahaha.

I will just do an update on the 28th week of Pregnancy on this post too!

Pre-pregnancy weight: About 60kg
This week's weight update: 66.4kg

I lost about a kilo since the last time I visited my gynae, so Dr Yeo never give me a hard time. MY MOM LAH. Went to complain to Dr Yeo and said that I ate a few days of fast food like KFC, Burger King etc, lolol super annoying.

My reaction when we both walked out of the room lolol!

My friends would know that I hate it when Dr Yeo tells me I gain too much weight lol! Cause like WTF? Ideal weight gain during pregnancy is 12-15kg what!! I gain 7kg alot meh? :( Somemore I'm into 7th months of pregnancy already, should be okay what!

Aiya, anyway I've been bugged by heartburn and nausea this week, and it spoils my appetite big time. I don't eat as much as I used to, and sometimes I cry from feeling too terrible :( It annoys me when I can't fall into slumber too! I'd just use my phone or read at blogs until I'm tired enough to fall asleep. I've tried drinking warm milk before bed, tried taking a hot shower, but nothing works!

Oh doctor did tell my mom that baby Kaylen is of the right size now, not too big and not too small for 7 months, but he told us that he will update us regarding baby's weight nearing to 32 or 36 weeks! Can't wait to find out if it will be an easy birth or not. I hope baby doesn't grow too big!! I don't want to do C-sect please :(

I've also decided not to do a pregnancy photoshoot for now, at least not for this pregnancy. Maybe in future for Kaylen's sister/brother! I find it very difficult to embrace my pregnancy figure now, as much as I want to enjoy feeling huge, but, I just don't like my body now :(! Not that I will go on a diet, but I just don't want to take too many photos of myself with my body cause I look SO BIG. Will probably ask the hubby to snap a few pictures at home or when we go dating when he's back from Taiwan!

Alright, baby aside, more pictures of Milo taken just yesterday!

Hopped on my chair to ask for attention, (or maybe food hahaha)

LOOK AT MY BIG HEAD BUNFIE.

Her blur-cock face brings me so much joy sometimes hahaha.

More attempted bunfies with the world's most affectionate rabbit! -HER FACE IS SO CUTE I CAN JUST DIE-

And guess what, halfway through selfies she suddenly LICKED AND KISS MY CHIN!!! This mother feel so loved omg, I didn't dote on you for nothing hehehe.

Squash your face with mah chin!

That's all for today! I can't wait to move out and get an apartment of our own so that I can bring Milo over and she can have all the space she wants! I don't want to bring her back in in-laws place because FIL isn't very pet-friendly, and I don't want to lock her up in my room only, so decided to just let her stay at my place. Must spend as much time as I can with her now before the baby arrives!! So forgive me for the spam on instagram of her photos!

Will update again when I have something to write about!

-Oh and give me some time for the song video okay, HAHAH I'm totally not used to singing on videos and my voice is really just
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#okcan

:/